Sigh.
Yesterday, I received my first Seminary rejection letter. And it stings.
I don't know why this is getting to me. This was my last choice school. I made a split second decision to apply. I don't, and I didn't ever, even want to go there! It's much bigger than the other schools I applied to, and the curriculum is much more academically focused then what I'm looking for. My interview was dull and brief. I even had a strong suspicion I hadn't been accepted. And it isn't as though I have nowhere else to go- B"H, I've already been accepted to my first choice school. I need absolutely nothing from this place.
But still, when I found that ominously slim envelope in the mail pile... It really hurt. What did I do wrong? I sent them one of my best essays- didn't they like it? My grades are pretty good- wasn't it enough? True, the interview was no epiphany, but I didn't do anything wrong- did I?
And the letter they sent was so brusque and cold. "Dear Miss M, We enjoyed meeting with you but unfortunately due to the large volume of applicants we will not be able to admit you at this time..." Nobody even signed it at the bottom. It felt like I was chaff they were blowing off, as if they were bored with me.
And I feel so guilty for being upset. I know there are dozens of girls who will be rejected by schools they really want to attend. Girls who aren't accepted anywhere. Girls who's parents won't even let them apply in the first place. What right do I have to be dejected over one adverse letter?
Sigh...
This too shall pass.
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3 comments:
I understand you completely. Rejection in any shape or form, even if candy-coated, is still rejection...and we take it as a personal slap in the face or slap on the wrist or a disguised "You're not good enough" or "Your writing's not good enough." It is not about "them"; it's about "you"! And that's what hurts.
Hopefully, with rejection, we learn to grow a thicker skin, we learn to improve -- and we simply learn about ourselves in relation to others.
Glad you were able to get into your first-choice seminary, though. Kol HaKavod!
Thanks, torontopearl :).
Michal,
I take personal offense to anyone who does not realize what a privilege it is that you deemed his school worthy of your consideration. I can only assume he was intimidated by you :)
Rejection in all forms is hard- we can never fuly prepare ourselves or be stalwart, as deep down we all want to be loved and accepted by everyone, and be the ones to pick and choose.
I'll say this, though. Often seminaries will be tight on numbers, and will call a girl's high school to say- tell me who definitely isn't interested in going (ie, has already gotten into her first choice) and then we will know how many girls we absolutely can take to keep our numbers regulated.
In my class this went on with quite a few girls. It was the equivalent of the girls already having rejected the school, and then receiving the receipt in the mail.
I'm so thrilled about seminary!!! I've been up all night worrying aobut your class...
Love, MN
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