Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Passing for Future

Out front, through and away from the building with the sleek revolving-door. I am walking in Manhattan, clutching a tall, hot paper cup, striding with purse and plastic bag swinging. I am waiting for the light, crossing Lexington, moving toward other avenues with famous, impressive addresses. Alone, independent.

But the liquid in my cup is one-fourth milk, and steeped with five packages of plastic sugar. It's still bitter. To bitter for me, accustomed to sweet.

And the plastic bag holds two sandwiches in plastic triangles, that I juggled around the crowded college cafe before I succumbed to the dread of eating alone, again.

My purse is a tangle of easy-reach cords and technical gadgets designed to make life easy, simple. Somewhere within is buried my accursed ID card, which I must show to my doorman to enter the building. (I don't wear it on my neck. I don't want to look stupid.) After twenty seconds of awkward, one-handed searching, I produce my empty plastic card case to which my key is attached. This, presented on a platter of an innocent, bashful smile, finally reward me entrance.

I sigh to my brightly dismal dorm. I hope this isn't really college.

Even my room pretends to be something it isn't.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

College!! When did we get so old?!? Oy, I'm having a heart attack and I still have a week... miss you but you'll be back tomorrow night, right? ~G

Anonymous said...

It does get better, I promise!!! The hardest part can just be accepting a new stage of life - once you're past that, there is so much to be gained... And when are we having our chavrusa? Elul is beckoning!! Please be in touch - much love, MN

Anonymous said...

I know more than anyone how incredibly successful you will be- all the more so because you recognize that change is hard and beginnings are complicated. When have you not sailed to the top with a wonderful combination of your wit and wisdom and insight and kindness? You have a large and growing fan club of which I am the president.........
Guess Who?

Keren Perles said...

Kol haschalos kashos...

Wishing you much hatzlacha, wherever you are.

M said...

Thanks everyone. School is progressing; B"H, I have a wonderful history class! Today I am trying out my second potential art class. The first was a spectacular disaster... I hope it works out.

(Guess who- I'm stymied! Who might you be?)

FrumGirl said...

Seems to be you are very much not pretending just getting used to your own new skin

Shir Chadash said...

Nu, I finally updated. Your turn!

Anonymous said...

pathetic post =( not one of my favorites

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous-
This is anything but a pathetic post. The feelings expressed here are true and deep and valid. ", Not one of your favorites" is I. hope an irrelevancy to M.
Loyal Fan